You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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