i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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