So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I would fuck him just for his dog
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
