just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
