got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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