Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Randomize
