Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
