when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
