so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
