it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
