one two three fourrrrnication!
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
