you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
