you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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