I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
