I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize