the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
