woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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