Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
