exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
