I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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