I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
