dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
