her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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