i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
