She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
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