In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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