I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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