thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
