I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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