I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Pants are for mortals
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
