I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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