Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just gargled with NyQuil
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
