She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
