I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Randomize
