I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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