Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Two words: nipple clamps
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