I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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