shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
