Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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