So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
