Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
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