come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
