It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
