Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
