fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
