What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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