i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
