and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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