awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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