a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize