your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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