Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
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