thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
