party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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