So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Four minutes until I can fart!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
