I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
This gyro tastes like lonliness
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
