we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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