my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
