he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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