You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
This baby is an asshole
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
