I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
