We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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