I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
