I wish I only lived at night.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
