I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
