Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
