watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
