those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
