So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
