I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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