So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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