Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
