woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize