So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
