WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize